lesbian heartbreak & mary magdalene

St. Mary Magdalene, my patron saint of heartbreak. Would you pray for me?

I’ve been reaching out to the saints these past few weeks like never before. I kiss my scapular, and pray that Our Lady will take this pain away, will rid me of the memories that seem to drench my entire house. there’s been close to no comfort, I must admit.

Only when I came across the thought of Mary Magdalene on Holy Saturday.

The Virgin Mary, Our Lady of Solitude, is someone I am acquainted with. the death of a family member is an ache I know well enough.

but what about Mary Magdalene? What about the woman who lost her favourite person? her truest friend? her most reliable companion? I see Mary Magdalene on the night of Good Friday. I see her sitting in the darkness, no more tears left to cry. Nothing but a steady thrum of absence in the numbness of her fallible human chest.

how do you mourn a person that you know is alive? How do you remain faithful? For Mary… do you think she was able to clean the blood of her friend off her robes? Do you think she was able to look down at her hands and nails, at the dried blood of her Saviour, and scrub it off? Was there a whisper in her ear that told her “This is the last remnants of Him. This is all that is left.” I now believe she remained bloodied until Sunday.

I pray to Mary Magdalene now, like I have never before. my Myrrhbearer, my Apostle to the Apostles. pray for us, the ones with broken hearts.

I find myself on a Holy Saturday that stretches beyond the confines of time. I think of the psalm Mary Magdalene must’ve echoed off the lips of her friend: My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?

I know this feeling won’t last forever. I trust that Easter will come. all death and sin will be defeated when the tomb is empty… because the tomb will be empty. I believe it down to my bones. and the sweetness of Easter will be lovelier, having known the bitterness of loss.